I’ll Keep This Short and Sweet

I’ll keep this short and sweet. Or wait… No, I don’t think I’ll do that. Long and bitter, that’s how I like it. Like a yard of ale.

Well, anyway, after my first bout of twice a day nausea, clinging to the toilet’s rim, hoping I wouldn’t plummet into doom or whatever, I ended up going out for a pack of smokes, making up vulgar jokes in my head that I’d never dare tell anybody, least of all the faint of heart special snowflake indigo children that have been overrunning this town as of late and ruining the blue collar vibe with origami swans and quinoa sculptures, yeah, those kinds of jokes, but I won’t repeat them here,

so like I said, I was on my way to get some smokes, from the smoke shop a couple blocks from my apartment, the one that’s in the mini mall with the horrible parking lot and I say horrible because every time I’ve ever tried to get my car out of there, I almost get into an accident, like, you just can’t tell where the other cars are coming from so I’m thankful that I live so close that I can just walk there, to the mini-mall, which was probably built in the ’80’s when mini-malls were popular, and regular malls too for that matter, the kids these days don’t go to malls so much around here to you know, hang out, they don’t know what they’re missing, where do kids hang out these days I wonder, I see them in parks sometimes or catching Pokémon, but never at malls, but then again, I never go to malls anymore either because I’m 29, so I go to bars and drink or stay at home and get high,

and like I said, I was on my way to get smokes, severing the unspoken bond between my self and the brute facts of my existence, brute facts like shitty income for a decent job, not knowing where I’ll be in twenty years, how lately the relationship of word to world has become kind of strained, and how I need to masturbate at least twice a day to really feel alive because I’ve been so depressed for so long that it’s not even a feeling anymore, just a general disposition, except when I feel anxious, and anxiety doesn’t so much make you feel alive as it makes you feel totally electrified for a while, but you can burn out on that too and you’re right back where you started from, numb and understimulated,

but like I said, I was on my way to get some smokes…

-r. miller

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